The week in review

Well my peeps, if I may use that term without seeming totally ridiculous, it has been a week. From hell in fact.

To cover matters, I have been called a whore by my husband, my mother told me that I ahve nothing to complain about because she suffered more, my baby turned 12 and we had air raid sirens sending us to the basement for nearby tornadoes... even though we live in the third largest city in the country.

Sigh.

I am exhausted.

So I hope that you will accept this older photo from an earlier series... I haven't posted it before... but you know... it isn't new either.

Have a good week

And go visit Os!

Go back to him, you whore.

That is what I was told last night before he pushed me to the floor.

Sigh

I picked up your email and cried the rest of the afternoon.

I am so sorry that you are so alone.

I thought about rushing to you but figured that there would be too much Angst. You don't need anymore on your plate right now.

Just know that I am thinking about you and am so sorry.

HNT-102

I didn't get a lot of photos taken this week because I have been heading home!

YEAH!

The end of vacation was spent in a fury of masturbation and the reading of bad erotica but a girl does what she has to to survive.

So I will be submitting this picture which I thought looked like what happens to the St. Pauli Girl after too many years walking the Bierpalasts of München.

Do I want too much?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

HNT-101

Whew!

Now the pressure of my 100th HNT post is behind me... I can finally get to bigger fish.

Except of course, I ran into this particular image this week. Well, I ran into the melon, itself, earlier this week. And as luck would have it, I had the camera in the kitchen tonight.

I have to honestly say that when I first looked at this melon I didn't see anything untoward. PK congratulated my father in law for getting twice the melon for the dollar. (They were being sold by the piece, not by the pound).

It was only after I took the first photo that I realized what I was looking at...

An ass?

A scrotum?

I think ass, myself. What do you see?

Summer Loving.. Had Me A Blast!

Catch the Sun
ecstaticist
August 4, 2007
Via Flick'r

I don't know why sun and water make me wax poetic... but here are some summer haiku

Skin tinged reddish
Blue water cool to the touch
Summer day, relax

Secret smile appears
Happiness bubbles within
My heart for you

Floating adrift
Sun calling me to heaven
You hold me back safe

HNT-100

Oh, I know this is late, but there was no help for it.

Trying to get computer technology to work consistently out here is a nightmare. And my FIL's 12 CPU isn't really helping.

I was asked to do something special for my 100th HNT. I hope this qualifies....

HNT-99

My whole day has been half nekkid as I wrapped myself in a sarong this morning and never went upstairs to change.

So saronged I remain.

Feeling sorry for myself

I think that I have made sacrifices for my family. For my marriage. For my children.

I am getting to the point that I am frustrated that these choices have not been recognized as difficult or that they even happened.

So, here I am. Sitting with PK this weekend, with the girls at camp. He wants to play around... ok. That sounds like fun. But as I lay there I realize that he has no idea what pleases me in bed. He uses the same approach every time. 45 seconds of foreplay downstairs to get me to go up to bed. 90 seconds of kissing... and then one dry finger to my clit that he then rubs too hard. No matter how often I have said, make it wet. Make it wetter. Make it sloppy wet. He never remembers.

My body betrays me off course, I am so starved for any touch that I cum... and hard. So I guess I don't need anything more. Don't deserve the extra attention. But it makes me think of other times... other men... They didn't all care about me, per say. But it was worth it to them to try to please me. So I would try in return. A mutual exchange of the joy of being alive. Because we don't all have that.

Of course, I know how he likes it.

He wants to see my feet. And if they are dirty all the better. He wants me between his legs, kissing, licking and sucking him. Using my hands, mouth and tongue to please him and I do. Just the way he likes it. Even if the position is awkward. Because it makes him happy. 19 years of marriage and he doesn't even try to remember what I like.

And that is our relationship at this point.

We do things that he prefers as he prefers them. If we talk about exercise... well I can use his very expensive treadmill. I don't need anyone to help me move the shelves that keep me from getting my bike down. I can't even get it down without help. I don't need to swim in the sunshine. I can go to the YMCA with its second class ladies locker room. I don't need a kayak so I can explore the river to distract me while I am exercising.

I can do things his way.

We watch movies that he wants. Tv shows that he wants. When he wants them. If I mention that I want to see something... well I can. alone. I am his companion when he wants it. And if I want something else? I should just go take care of it myself. Alone. Always alone. Because I made vows to forsake all others. And he hasn't broken his vow as he knows that I have. And of course, that makes him morally superior to me.

So here we are this afternoon. He wants to go out again for margaritas. We just went on Thursday. I don't want to go again. and said so. I am getting the pout. It is part of my job to give him what he wants.

He can't even be bothered to save the information about the therapist we were referred to. He isn't interested in saving the marriage. It is just exactly the way he wants it. except that I won't go for margaritas this afternoon. Can I put the information in my desk. So the next time someone goes scavaging through the desk looking for something that doesn't belong to them they can toss it back onto the dining room table and become MY clutter.

Not ours.

My problem.

Fluttering around like a charred ash...a reminder of the destruction that continues.

HNT-98

Well, it has been quite a week.

I have worked this week as photographer, referree, teacher, cook, chauffeur and the skullery help.

For my efforts I have been labelled mean, partial and vicious. That was from the kids and totally expected. What I didn't expect to be labelled disgusting, a whore and reckless.

Luckily, I have good friends here on the internet who have halped me feel better. Even PK came around, although his first assumption is that I should cease and desist anything that brings negative reactions from anyone at anytime.

An impossibility when you consider that I am a mother of a teenager. So, I endure. It is all that I can do.

With all that has been going on, I have not gotten to taking any new photos of a HNT variety so I am selecting something that I took this week. I think it represents my mood and it is pretty.

Can you buy a burka in Chicago?

Burka Woman
Susan Williams
Available at PicassoMio

I woke up the other morning to find that my sitemeter was spinning with all the hits that were coming to my site. This was kinda of bizarre as I have generally perceived myself as the writer of the least popular blog on the web. So naturally, I had to check out what was causing all the excitement.

It turns out someone had picked up my blog. And I was getting the excess traffic as a result.

The traffic was coming from two separate sources.

One was from something called the Beauty Bash Forum or the Original Beauty Bash Forum. I don’t understand what the heck is going on there but the first page is full of complaints and explanations and frankly, I don’t really care what the deal is.

As the name would suggest, I was posted on the site to be bashed. And I was. I am hideously fat and should know better than to think that I should be allowed the same rights as everyone else. Simply by virtue of my appearance.

My blog got posted there by someone who claims to have been reading me here for a while. Someone so horrified by my fatness, ugliness and stupidity that they kept coming back. Oh and researched me enough to link this blog to my family blog. Which means that they had to really search because they weren’t linked. At. All. Until I noticed that the beauty minions were visiting my other site and looking at my children.

And that is where I get angry. Because this git has posted pictures of my children claiming that I play fast and loose with their identities. Even though I use pseudonyms on both blogs. It seems to me that the only one being reckless with my children was this person. Who naturally remains anonymous. As do all the people who commented about me.

The next set of links came from some group called mywomancave on yuku.com. I went to Yuku to explore the group. Naturally it is a closed group that you must be approved to join. Surprisingly enough, my membership has yet to be approved.

So. I guess I am left with the conclusion that someone out there dislikes me. And the person is probably someone that I know.

Frankly, these anonymous stealth attacks are cowardly and I am disgusted that anyone would go to such an effort to hurt me.

So, Thanks!

I guess I will be buying my burka to protect you from having to see my hideousness. Or you could stop visiting my blog. And leave my kids the fuck alone.

HNT-97

Summer Vacation has begun.

but it is still wet, grey and chilly. or as today brings us humid.

So I offer you another selection from my flower series

My body is twitching and shaking.

I feel more attached to my body and indeed the world than I have in a week.

Energy flows through my body and exiting my fingertips and toes. Not disappearing as it leaves me but invigorating me as it connects me to the universe.

Even my clothes touching my skin makes shiver. Like I am jumping out of my skin. Every twitch re-ignites the fire.



Why do I forget that I can create these connections for myself and don't need anyone else. Yes, it is sweeter when shared but can also be lonely when it is used selfishly. I need this elation to reinvigorate my heart.

HNT-96

Gee, I can't believe it is Thursday already.

And late afternoon and that... I have forgotten to post...

Here is another from my flower series...

HNT-95

I don't think that Spring is ever coming to Chicago. It is still chilly here. Very chilly.

At least some days the sun shines and there are flowers blooming.

They give me ideas....

Does this ever happen to you

Have you ever been in a room so cold that your nipples get so hard that they hurt?

And by hurt I mean burning in the middle of my chest.

Sigh.

HNT-94

Hmmm, why do I think of coconuts?

The problem for me, is that the coconut is one of the food items that you either love or hate....

Like cilantro.

As this is HNT's 3rd anniversary, I would like to point out that this is my 94th post (duh) and I have been participating in one way or another since January 19, 2006.

Hope you all have a good HNT!

Go so Os for more info!

Shower dreams

I was so excited to be seeing you. It has been so long since we touched.

I jumped into the shower to be ready for you, letting the hot water run down my body sluicing through the soapy foam. I washed my hair and took a few minutes to rinse it, leaning my arms agains the pebbled wall as the water poured over my head and shoulders.

The sound and heat of the water was pounding around my ears as I felt your warm breath on my neck. Nibbling your way up my neck, I shivered as your arms reached around and cupped my full breasts. And then I felt your hardness rubbing against me, searching for entry.

I arched my back and moaned begging you to find a warm entrance into my body. And you did. Sliding deeply into me, slowly and steadily, until you were buried deep within me. Your groan of satisfaction made me wild and I bucked against you, begging you to find a way deeper and deeper inside of me.

The water felt cold against my skin as you explode into me filling me with your intense heat.

I lean into the pebbles, weeping in happiness and relief as the water re-warms my skin.

Until I come to myself again.

I am alone. Still. Needing. Wanting you.

Why won't you come to me. Why must it be this hard?

Life is hard, but we are making it harder.

HNT 93

It has been another week of fun around my house, but generally calmer. And so I have been able to take a couple of minutes with my camera alone in my room. (not totally alone... the dog is lying there at the end of the bed... but she is generally just ignoring me so I might as well be alone).

I am working around the house trying to get my gardening in order. I have a series of window boxes that I am filling with herbs and lettuces. It should be a pretty clean operation but as I have very little coordination, I still manage to spill topsoil all over which includes into my crocs.

Here is the result.

PK would be so excited if he paid the slightest bit of attention to me as a women. Dirty feet have always been a favorite of his.