In other news

I seem to have turned some kind of corner.

Suddenly this week I am not crying or considering every other moment about what I lost... gave up. I wouldn't say that I am hopeful, per say, but at least I am not dreading tomorrow. So that is progress.

I don't know why, but I woke up one morning and it was just better... The night before I had dreamed of my messed up life and those that I hurt... and they were better, no longer angry with me... and me, not sorry the choices that I felt that I had to make.

In the meantime, I have had a series of frank conversations with the Porn King. I layed a lot of my anger at him out for him to review. I even got down to the small stuff.... Yes, as much as things suck, I had to tell him that he has become lazy and selfish in bed.

But really, it felt good. Not that I believe that it matters to anyone besides me.

Fuck

yeah.

That is what I said.

I am fucking sick and tired of being understanding and kind when the people that I deal with on an everyday basis suck. What they suck I will leave to your's and their imagination.

Can someone make me feel better about the sink hold of reality that I find myself in?

Please?

I promise to make it worthwhile for you....

Or as much as a fat whore like myself can manage.