What is wrong with my brain?

Why does this look like a giant wad of jizz on the floor of my shower?

I really need to get some..

really.

When will I ever feel better?

I don't know what is wrong with me.

I am sick again/still...

I don't know. I thought I was better. But here I am again... coughing up my lung.

And why?

Damned if I know. But I know that I am feeling depressed again. I am not entirely certain if it is because I am sick or I am sick because I am depressed. I just know there is a strong correlation in me between health and happiness.

Maybe it is the lack of sex that is making me sick. or love. or touch. That is certainly harder for me to calculate. I have had all three... sometimes together sometimes apart. They always made me feel better than I feel currently.

The question is how can you go out into the world and seek those things that you are missing when you have teenagers and preteens that you trying to set an example for. You certainly can't have a lover and try to explain to your child why she shouldn't have sex. Or explain that her father isn't part of a satisfying sex life for me. But then, how did I get to the point that I have children at this age and not sex, love, touch or respect.

Blah... time for more Niquil.

Maybe the answers will come in my fevered dreams.

Or at least soothe me with memories of desire glowing in your eyes as you gave me that little smile/smirk at still makes my heart catch when I think of it. I will dream of falling asleep in your arms and you laughing at me me because I chatter (in my sleep) and drool all night long.

I wish so much everything could be different and i could be in your arms again.

Just what I needed to hear.

Another reason to anticipate trouble from my breasts.

When I was in 5th grade, I was a 36C.

Fuck.

And I am not even getting to enjoy them. This isn't fair.

Reading List

I should prolly read this book....

Of course, by reading it will get me into more trouble...

There is no winning....

Year End HNT

This is ultimately not my favorite picture from last year... but those pictures are gone... Maybe they are cached someplace on the internets somewhere for someone to enjoy....

this is runner-up...

I am going to miss this look, as I have decided to quit fighting the losing battle and let nature take its course with my hair.

Can you still be a sexy and vibrant woman with gray hair? I guess time will tell.... Can you still be a sexy and vibrant woman with no sex? I doubt it... but again time will reveal all... Happy New Year Os and fellow HNT'ers!

You must be joking

I couldn't believe it when I heard it last night...

PK: "Maybe over the next day or so, we could have sex?"

What?

Me: "For the last week, at every opportunity to let me know that I am lazy, stupid, vindictive and ugly ... and that was FOREPLAY?

Um... let me think.

NO!"

Was that the end of it?

No, this morning I got the caress that usually accompanies the request for not quite awake sex...

PK: "Want to fool around?"

I thought to myself, "Didn't you understand me last night? NO."

Me: "Yesterday, you treated me as if I were an idiot incapable of dressing herself, Monday you told me to get over a wrong you did me that you never even tried to correct and Sunday, while you were sitting on your ass watching football, you complained that I was holding you up by taking to long to cook... Oh and I made you dinner that night too..." "Why would any of these things lead me to want to make love?"

PK: "Well you tell me when things don't look good on me"

Me: "When you ask for my opinion... Your's was unsolicited"

PK: "You would want me to tell you the truth!"

Me: "Why can you only hurt my feelings and make me feel lower than dirt when you 'tell the truth'?"


Good thing we are make progress in communication, eh?

All I want for Christmas

is for some one to slowly and methodically lick my clit until I cum so hard that I weep with relief...

Is that really too much to ask for?

I didn't think so either, and yet, I won't get it...

Well it is official

At least according to Dr. Gail Saltz and Dr. Drew Pinsky...

They have designated my marriage as sexless...

Luckily I am in really good company as according to them, up to 20% of marriages are like mine. The good news is that there is a solution. It is called communication.

Oops. There is the problem. When I communicate my feelings, I am accused of dumping on him. So I stopped. And I wait. But nothing improves.

Ohhh and one more thing

Would you believe that the bed in our hotel room is two twins pushed together... and not on a single box springs.... Weird...

Can English bloggers explain this to me?

Or do the people at the hotel just KNOW I have no hope of having sex on this trip?