Ugh

Well, it has been a swell day today.

Asha is feigning illness again... and she is good at it... It turns out that she can wretch like a pro. Well, she has been practicing for a number of weeks... so I guess that accounts for that.

She has done this so much, that today I took her to the doctor. Luckily our regular pediatrician was not there as Asha would have died at the questions that had to be asked of her. Since she has been allegedly vomiting...(I hear wretching, but have not seen the vomit).

And what questions was my girl asked? Hmmm, well apparently when they sent me out of the room (for the first time, I might add) for her exam, she was asked if there was a possibility that she was pregnant. She said no.

Afterwards, the doctor asked me for permission to run a pregnancy test and though in my heart of hearts I believe that there was no cause for this, given that this is Asha and not Thera, I agreed. See, Asha is more likely to do something stupid without thinking ahead and then thinking that she can make it go away by ignoring it. Also she tends to try to get away with things... a bad combination under the circumstances.... The test was negative.

On the car ride home, Asha railed at being asked that question. "Why would they think that?" she asked me. I pointed out that the doctor has to ask as she does not know Asha. That there are other pregnant 13 year old girls in the city... That the doctor would have been remiss for NOT asking the question.

But I am now feeling infinitely sad that I had to even consider the possibility that my not quite 13 year old could be pregnant.

It makes me want to vomit.

Here is a bizarre question

What do you do when you think that your daughter (age 12) has been exposing some of your most private possessions to her early/preteen friends?

That was in your bathroom drawer...

Where she should never be.

Do you confront her? Or just suck it up as curiousity by the young'uns?

Frankly, I am not embarrassed to have sex toys... on the contrary, I celebrate having them. But she is 12. And her friends are close to the same age. And not all of their parents share my values. (i.e. they may be good Catholic prudes, or even aetheist prudes)

and most important...

IT IS A VIOLATION OF MY PRIVACY and I am at of the food chain in this house!

--Added Note--

Well, that was a tremendous waste of my time.

Sure, confront the girl and what will she do? Well besides lie through her teeth, she will create a fuss to get her father pissed off at me. Not a mean feat, but an annoying one.

See, without me around, they all had a lovely weekend. And now that I was home... well, the Porn King didn't have to say it, but it was clear that I had ruined all of that.

Never mind that I was not responsible for this difficulty. That I wasn't yelling. That it was my privacy that was violated and I was being lied to (apparently she was lingering in my bathroom with her smirking friend because she was getting a brush that she stuck down the back of her pants even though my brush was about eight inches long and two inches wide... a piece of cake to hide in a size 2's shorts).

It is all my fault that there was screaming right before dinner.

I wasn't anticipating this conversation

The one when I have to ask my 12 year old daughter why there is a balled up condom in the living room.

Yeah... I was thinking that was a conversation for another day, another month... really another year.

But there I was having the conversation. Wow, that was a fun one too.

Me: Asha, can you explain why I found this condom on the living room floor?

Asha: Lizzie was forgot to through it out.

Me: Yes, but why was the condom there in the first place?

Asha: It was a joke.

Me: A joke on who?

Asha: A joke on Drina... We thought it would be funny to give it to her for a birthday present.

Me: Did it ever occur to you that this might be a bad idea?

Asha: Not really...Plus, it was Lizzie's idea.

Me: It never occurred to you to say, "Whoa, Lizzie... My mom sees that and she is going to shit a brick"

PK: Well we are glad that you aren't afraid to buy condoms... remember it is better to use one than not use one.

The next day, I was driving around Asha and her friend Frieda, who had also been at the house when the condom was being played with. I asked Frieda if her mother knew about the condom play. "No and it would be best if she didn't" was the reply I got.

Fair enough. But I told the girls, if the ever wanted to do anything with a condom other than use it as a balloon, I wanted them to promise me that they would talk to a grown up... presumably one that they could trust. And promise they did.

So that is where I am. Afraid that at some point in the near future that the condom will no longer be a joke but an actual need for my daughter. Hopefully, I have maintained the lines of communication well enough that when that time comes she will come to me for advice.

For now, I wait and worry

sex and the preteen daughter

I know I have posted under this title before but this time te subject is slightly different. As I have mentioned before I have two daughters, Asha and Thara. Both are good girls who are growing up fast. Asha faster than I would hope.

She is not quite 12 but already attracts the attention of grown men and teenage boys when she walks down the street. She has been uncomfortable about these changes as you would expect, but completely aware of how hot she is.

Unfortunately, she assumes that everyone sees her for what she is... an 11 year old girl who is too physically mature for her own good and safety. See, like all kids her age she craves freedom. The kind of freedom that I had when I was her age. And I wish I could give it to her. I wish I could send her off on the bus and let her explore Chicago to her hearts content. But we know more about the world these days. (I refuse to say that it is a different world, I think that these things always exsisted we just covered them up)

I have on occasion allowed her to go with friends to the park. The last time, she decided to wander around the neighborhood with her friends.. I think they covered 5 miles of territory. The worst part is that she ended up at the home of a classmate. A boy. Now, don't get me wrong, Quito is a nice boy. His parents seem to be raising him well.. but he is a boy. And like Asha, is a bit too mature for his age.

You know what that sounds like to me?

TROUBLE.

When I picked Asha up I discovered that the Quito's parents were not at home.

Now, I am sure that this was a completely innocent outing. And nothing happened.

But, she cannot be allowed to go to hang out with boys at their homes without their parents home to supervise.

When I pointed this out to Asha she got very upset. "What did I think was going to happen? That she and Quito were going to have sex??"

She was even more angry when I pointed out that she wouldn't be the only pregnant 11 year old in Chicago.

There has to be some way to explain this to her without potentially calling her a slut (which I didn't)... But how?

Sex and the Pre-teen Daughter

or,

How to feel like a vital woman while standing next to your gorgeous, nubile and very young daughter.

I have been trying to find a way to handle it without feeling old and colorless and drab. But, alas that is exactly how I am feeling. I suppose it doesn't hurt that at her stage of puberty she is required to reject every aspect of me. And take emotional pot shots. Apparently, I am funny (not in a ha ha kind of way... more like weird), stupid, embarassing and over all useless. Oh, and I forgot... a lazy, disappointing slob.

I thought life with the PK was sucking me dry emotionally. This is now draining my soul.

Is this my fate? To become a non-entity?