In other news

I seem to have turned some kind of corner.

Suddenly this week I am not crying or considering every other moment about what I lost... gave up. I wouldn't say that I am hopeful, per say, but at least I am not dreading tomorrow. So that is progress.

I don't know why, but I woke up one morning and it was just better... The night before I had dreamed of my messed up life and those that I hurt... and they were better, no longer angry with me... and me, not sorry the choices that I felt that I had to make.

In the meantime, I have had a series of frank conversations with the Porn King. I layed a lot of my anger at him out for him to review. I even got down to the small stuff.... Yes, as much as things suck, I had to tell him that he has become lazy and selfish in bed.

But really, it felt good. Not that I believe that it matters to anyone besides me.

And I can't even give it away...

Powered By Adult Toys


Well, I guess it is good to think I have career options.... Yeah, RIGHT.

Ugh

Well, it has been a swell day today.

Asha is feigning illness again... and she is good at it... It turns out that she can wretch like a pro. Well, she has been practicing for a number of weeks... so I guess that accounts for that.

She has done this so much, that today I took her to the doctor. Luckily our regular pediatrician was not there as Asha would have died at the questions that had to be asked of her. Since she has been allegedly vomiting...(I hear wretching, but have not seen the vomit).

And what questions was my girl asked? Hmmm, well apparently when they sent me out of the room (for the first time, I might add) for her exam, she was asked if there was a possibility that she was pregnant. She said no.

Afterwards, the doctor asked me for permission to run a pregnancy test and though in my heart of hearts I believe that there was no cause for this, given that this is Asha and not Thera, I agreed. See, Asha is more likely to do something stupid without thinking ahead and then thinking that she can make it go away by ignoring it. Also she tends to try to get away with things... a bad combination under the circumstances.... The test was negative.

On the car ride home, Asha railed at being asked that question. "Why would they think that?" she asked me. I pointed out that the doctor has to ask as she does not know Asha. That there are other pregnant 13 year old girls in the city... That the doctor would have been remiss for NOT asking the question.

But I am now feeling infinitely sad that I had to even consider the possibility that my not quite 13 year old could be pregnant.

It makes me want to vomit.

Swing, Baby!

I can't decide what I find funnier about this article, the idea that sex as recreation isn't just a twentieth century invention or the movie quotation. Either way I enjoyed the article and its link. After all, they reference my personal avatar.

Oh, and kisses if you can guess the movie quoted.

More?

Jeez.... after weeks of having only bi-monthly interest in me, or even sex in general, the PK needed another bite at the apple (so to speak). Rather, and more correctly, I was taste the forbidden fruit this time...

We didn't get started too late... 9:30 or so...

Me between his legs again.. sucking and sucking and sucking and sucking and sucking and sucking and sucking and sucking...

Wholly cripes.... 45 minutes and still he is not cumming... I take longer than three minutes and I get the, "Is everything ok?"

I should him my feet... toes pointed, feet flexed... Nothing.

I might have slowed the process down when a long hair (from my head, thank you very much) got stuck deep in my throat hitting my gag reflex big time... Back in the days that I was reproducing, I was able to deal with this better... now, that I have ended those days.. hey, the kids are 10 and 12... my old gagging issues are back... and yes that means that I need to pull out the waterpik again.. because my toothbrush will set it off too... I am non-specific in my gagging.

Still, the final try was the 'show me your ass" portion of the evening. Up it goes into the air... and I expected the gentle playing that usually accompanies this activity.. instead I got the hard THRUST! of a finger deep into my ass. GGGR. yow.

well ok... in he is.. whew... But then he was pulling my asscheeks apart... FUCK! What the hell is that! Go EASY!!!

cripes. yikes. oww...

after a couple of more minutes he finally recognized he was going no where... We would stop until this morning.

Which we did.. And in 5 minutes? I had a veritable fountain...

Oh but how my ass hurts...

Pheromones?

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$410.10

I saw this over at Os's this afternoon and decided to play along...How did I do fine-wise? More than Princess Di and less than Madonna?

Here is how to play:

Look at this list. Add up the fines associated with the crimes and give your total.

Smoked pot -- $10
Did acid -- $5
Ever had sex at church -- $25
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you -- $40
Had sex with someone on MySpace -- $25
Had sex for money -- $100
Vandalized something -- $20
Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10
Beat up someone -- $20
Been jumped -- $10
Crossed dressed -- $10
Given money to stripper -- $25
Been in love with a stripper -- $20
Kissed some one who's name you didn't know -- $0.10
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work -- $15
Ever drive drunk -- $20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $50
Used toys while having sex -- $30
Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- $20
Went skinny dipping -- $5
Had sex in a pool -- $20
Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20
Cheated on your significant other -- $10
Masturbated -- $10
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend -- $20
Done oral -- $5
Got oral -- $5
Done / got oral in a car while it was moving -- $25
Stole something -- $10
Had sex with someone in jail -- $25
Made a nasty home video -- $15
Had a threesome -- $50
Had sex in the wild -- $20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $25
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars -- $20
Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- $25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $50
Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25
Went streaking -- $5
Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15
Been arrested -- $5
Spent time in jail -- $15
Peed in the pool -- $0.50
Played spin the bottle -- $5
Done something you regret -- $20
Had sex with your best friend -- $20
Had sex with someone you work with at work -- $25
Had anal sex -- $80
Lied to your mate -- $5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good -- $25

sex and the preteen daughter

I know I have posted under this title before but this time te subject is slightly different. As I have mentioned before I have two daughters, Asha and Thara. Both are good girls who are growing up fast. Asha faster than I would hope.

She is not quite 12 but already attracts the attention of grown men and teenage boys when she walks down the street. She has been uncomfortable about these changes as you would expect, but completely aware of how hot she is.

Unfortunately, she assumes that everyone sees her for what she is... an 11 year old girl who is too physically mature for her own good and safety. See, like all kids her age she craves freedom. The kind of freedom that I had when I was her age. And I wish I could give it to her. I wish I could send her off on the bus and let her explore Chicago to her hearts content. But we know more about the world these days. (I refuse to say that it is a different world, I think that these things always exsisted we just covered them up)

I have on occasion allowed her to go with friends to the park. The last time, she decided to wander around the neighborhood with her friends.. I think they covered 5 miles of territory. The worst part is that she ended up at the home of a classmate. A boy. Now, don't get me wrong, Quito is a nice boy. His parents seem to be raising him well.. but he is a boy. And like Asha, is a bit too mature for his age.

You know what that sounds like to me?

TROUBLE.

When I picked Asha up I discovered that the Quito's parents were not at home.

Now, I am sure that this was a completely innocent outing. And nothing happened.

But, she cannot be allowed to go to hang out with boys at their homes without their parents home to supervise.

When I pointed this out to Asha she got very upset. "What did I think was going to happen? That she and Quito were going to have sex??"

She was even more angry when I pointed out that she wouldn't be the only pregnant 11 year old in Chicago.

There has to be some way to explain this to her without potentially calling her a slut (which I didn't)... But how?

Memeing my sex life...

I saw this meme over at the Virgin Slut... and it made me laugh... so I thought I would play too.. Here are the rules:

-Copy this entire list into your blog/journal
-Bold everything that is true about you.
-Leave alone anything that is false about you.
-Place an asterisk by anything that you would like to be true about you.

I have had sex while wearing a blindfold.
I have blindfolded someone during sex.
I have had sex while watching porn.
I have had sex while surfing porn on the internet.
I sleep better after sex.
There are some nights when I can’t sleep without sex or masturbating.
The bed is Not my favourite place to have sex.
I get turned on knowing someone is watching me masturbate.
I have masturbated for someone over a webcam.
I have had sex over a webcam.
I will have sex with someone I just met if he/she turns me on.*
I have been tied up during sex.
I have had sex with someone who was tied up.
I have dripped hot wax on a lover’s body.
I have had a lover drip hot wax on my body.
I have a foot fetish.
I have a leather fetish.
I have a tickle fetish.
I like being choked during sex.
I have had sex in a burning building.
I have erotic art on display somewhere in my residence.*
I enjoy nudie magazines.
Erotic toys are a regular part of my budget.
I think PlayBoy is tame, maybe even boring. (that being said, I must keep my preteens from discovering it quite yet.. )
I have clicked on porn links in my email.
I know the difference between girl/girl and lesbian sex in porn.
I have watched more than one gay/lesbian porn film.
Much of what I know about sex comes from porn.
Interracial sex turns me on.
I think we should do more to understand the cultures of sex.
I would participate in sex research if given the opportunity. (it would be for science after all... )
My current lover does not meet my sexual needs.(which one? ;-) )
I currently have a crush on someone of the same sex.
I have had sex at my place of employment.
I am often disappointed in my sexual relationships.
Some people might describe me as a nymphomaniac.*
I am difficult to live with if I’m not having sex on a regular basis.
I sleep better with someone curled up next to me.
I have had sex underwater.
I have had sex in the snow.
I have had sex outdoors.
I have had sex in a public place or where I might have been discovered.
I have had sex in a bathroom stall. (I am too loud)
I have had sex in a car.
I am in a polyamorous relationship.*
I have to have music playing during sex. (how about just liking it...)
I have had more than 10 orgasms in one night.*
I have flashed strangers.
I have given sex as a gift.
I have set-up a three-way for my lover.
I stopped during this list to have sex.*
All day I dream about sex.

Ahhhh, Sweet Relief

No children, no pets, no demands...

Just skin and tongues and hard penetration. Nibbling and sliding and candle light...

HNT-39

It's your fault you whore!

These are the words that I was assaulted with today.

What have I done to deserve this?

I used to work.. But I stopped because I was not able to deal with my responsibilities for the kids an those to my job given my husband's schedule. I did it for them.. And now I am called a whore.

And the worst is, I have the opportunities to fuck other men. I may be fat and old and ugly, but there are men that are still interested. I didn't fuck them today and I certainly don't charge for my services. I will give them away.... I would share. I am lonely and horny and begging to get a hundredth of what given to my family back in respect, love or companionship. Wouldn't that be better than being called a whore by a girl who fails two classes her first quarter of 6th grade and THEN fails two tests because she was caught cheating... and why the language? I removed her from the basketball team and cheerleading squad.

That will teach me.

Because sex is all in the brain.

Using your mind Your sexual hidden talent is your ability to use your mind. Sex is mostly in your mind and to your partners delight you have mastered the arts of seduction and atmosphere. Take this quiz at QuizUniverse.com

One of those days

Have you ever had an overwhelming desire to be filled with a hard, thick cock that pounds at you until you scream, squirt and then pass out covered and filled with sticky hot semen?

Yeah... me too..

That seems normal, right?

To have wild sex in the living room with the Jerry Lewis Telethon on in the background? Ok, I admit it.. it is a little weird.