HNT-47

Well another week, another trauma.

This week's was my first mammogram.

Ultimately, it was more scary to think about in advance than to have. I had heard that they squish your breasts pretty badly and friends of mine have complained about this. I think that mine must be a little more flexible.. since they squished up nicely...

They needed to mark various spots on me... a scar that I had from the removal of a lump that I had removed years ago (completely benign) and oddly enough my nipples that kept getting squished under the rest of my boobs....

So I present to you.... The leftovers from my mammogram.

And now the really scary part... waiting for the results!

Breasts released from Bondage

I wish.

But today I have my first mammogram.

I am not really looking forward to this, although I am sure it won't be nearly as bad as I am building it up to be. And by the end of the day I will be relaxed, relieved and happy....

Until then I have my pix of the most torture the girls have experienced to date! In this picture, I am almost able to breathe again...

Release the hounds!

I have been walking on the new treadmill lately...

Sadly, this is not just as easy as stupping on the machine and starting to walk. See, these tits of mine must be supported. And traditionally, when I work out I need at least two bras... a standard lift and separate version and then the boob squeezing sports bra version.

And then I found it....

The perfect workout bra... The Enell bra...

Sure, you are looking at it and thinking... Holy crap! That thing looks at medievel.. and you would be right. I think that the folks that engineered this thing were actually formally members of the Inquisition...

But it does its job. NOTHING. and I mean N O T H I N G... moves when I am wearing this bra.

Hell, I can barely breathe.

So when I am done, I indulge in a ritual that I call, "Releasing the hounds" Over the next couple of nights I will post the hounds pix so you can see what I mean....

More?

Jeez.... after weeks of having only bi-monthly interest in me, or even sex in general, the PK needed another bite at the apple (so to speak). Rather, and more correctly, I was taste the forbidden fruit this time...

We didn't get started too late... 9:30 or so...

Me between his legs again.. sucking and sucking and sucking and sucking and sucking and sucking and sucking and sucking...

Wholly cripes.... 45 minutes and still he is not cumming... I take longer than three minutes and I get the, "Is everything ok?"

I should him my feet... toes pointed, feet flexed... Nothing.

I might have slowed the process down when a long hair (from my head, thank you very much) got stuck deep in my throat hitting my gag reflex big time... Back in the days that I was reproducing, I was able to deal with this better... now, that I have ended those days.. hey, the kids are 10 and 12... my old gagging issues are back... and yes that means that I need to pull out the waterpik again.. because my toothbrush will set it off too... I am non-specific in my gagging.

Still, the final try was the 'show me your ass" portion of the evening. Up it goes into the air... and I expected the gentle playing that usually accompanies this activity.. instead I got the hard THRUST! of a finger deep into my ass. GGGR. yow.

well ok... in he is.. whew... But then he was pulling my asscheeks apart... FUCK! What the hell is that! Go EASY!!!

cripes. yikes. oww...

after a couple of more minutes he finally recognized he was going no where... We would stop until this morning.

Which we did.. And in 5 minutes? I had a veritable fountain...

Oh but how my ass hurts...

My Bloginality....

My Bloginality is ENFP!!!

Pheromones?

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HNT-46 Naked Depression

And another argument with PK...

So many topics to choose from... Tonights option? Asha's report card. Why? Well, she is a smart talented girl, who puts no effort into anything in life. So long as she is popular and pretty she will make no effort...

PK can't bear to see her sad... which is pretty much the problem. He never learned to distinguish sad from willful.

After being criticized by the brat and her father-protector (Any wonder she calls me a whore on a regular basis) and getting her selfish butt into bed, I have indulged in a cocktail....

$410.10

I saw this over at Os's this afternoon and decided to play along...How did I do fine-wise? More than Princess Di and less than Madonna?

Here is how to play:

Look at this list. Add up the fines associated with the crimes and give your total.

Smoked pot -- $10
Did acid -- $5
Ever had sex at church -- $25
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you -- $40
Had sex with someone on MySpace -- $25
Had sex for money -- $100
Vandalized something -- $20
Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10
Beat up someone -- $20
Been jumped -- $10
Crossed dressed -- $10
Given money to stripper -- $25
Been in love with a stripper -- $20
Kissed some one who's name you didn't know -- $0.10
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work -- $15
Ever drive drunk -- $20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $50
Used toys while having sex -- $30
Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- $20
Went skinny dipping -- $5
Had sex in a pool -- $20
Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20
Cheated on your significant other -- $10
Masturbated -- $10
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend -- $20
Done oral -- $5
Got oral -- $5
Done / got oral in a car while it was moving -- $25
Stole something -- $10
Had sex with someone in jail -- $25
Made a nasty home video -- $15
Had a threesome -- $50
Had sex in the wild -- $20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $25
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars -- $20
Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- $25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $50
Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25
Went streaking -- $5
Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15
Been arrested -- $5
Spent time in jail -- $15
Peed in the pool -- $0.50
Played spin the bottle -- $5
Done something you regret -- $20
Had sex with your best friend -- $20
Had sex with someone you work with at work -- $25
Had anal sex -- $80
Lied to your mate -- $5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good -- $25

What do I need?

I don't know anymore. PK has been very sweet. He took me on a date for the first time in years and later we laughed over one of the kids social studies projects. A good weekend, over all, but I am still unhappy.

I don' t know if it is our sex life, which I still am finding unsatisfying, or it is me feeling controlled. The sex part is simple. Within two minutes of waking up, before I can go to the bathroom and splash water in my face or pee, I get the request, "Can I have a blow job?". There is not kiss, no caress, no sweet words. This is typical. I run to the bathroom. Brush my teeth. Wash up a bit in case he is interested in more than my mouth then climb between his legs from the foot of the bed and service him. He loves my blowjobs. So much, he prefers them to any other kind of sex. Of course, after he cums he isn't ready to return the favor. Now it is time to get up and get ready for the day.

As he gets up up and starts to dress, I rub my fingers over my hardened nipples, enjoying the feeling of the softness of the cashmere from my nightgown against my heated nubbins. I then reach lower for the wetness between my legs and rub my clit. I close my eyes and imagine a lover whispering in my ear. He tells me how much he wants me, that he finds me beautiful and sexy and how he will show me with his hands, mouth.... his entire body. This is what I need. What I crave.

The desire for this is so strong, that it makes my body blossom with a beauty of the intensity of a jubilee of cerise florescence....after the explosive glory, and the petals scattered on the wind until the tree was bare until the next vernal season....

Is this normal? Will this pass? Is this a natural part of a marriage?

Closer to me?

Why do birds suddenly appear every time I am near?

Well the birds I have never noticed before, but I have noticed that everytime I try to step into the bathroom, someone from this household has to follow me.

Today for instance, I look at PK and say, "What is our schedule this morning... I need to take a shower, should I take it before or after I drop you off?" Well sure, it turns out that I have plenty of time now...so in I go... naked, wet, and ultimately trapped in the shower.

"Hey, I have to use the bathroom, you don't mind, do you?" Ughhh.

Ummm, yes? That is probably why I asked about time to use the shower. But there I was stuck with the stench. Now, I am not trying to be superior. I am just saying, that I specifically asked if I had time for a shower that is generally considered to be a solo event, that one experiences in some peace.

I don't know if barging into the shower is is considered an act of intimacy, but I am feeling the strain of my lack of privacy.

Waiting for you

HNT-45

On a chilly evening a gal likes to put on her silk and cashmere nightgown... Doesn't it look cozy?

Gee, you are in a good mood

That was what I heard this afternoon.

What is wrong with that I asked.

Nothing, you just seem to be in a particularly good mood is all. Ahh , that Thera... No getting anything past her.

Of course, this is their first day back to school. The first time in weeks I haven't had to spend the day with husbands, kids and inlaws fighting about what needed to be done (or where one couldn't smoke, not that helped me in anyway). A day for being able to think again. To try to feel the parts of me that had to be ignored, to the extent that had thought they had died.

But

They did not.

With a gentle touch they came to life.

Here are resolutions I should keep!

It is assumed of me anyway...

In the year 2007 I resolve to: Become a slut. Get your resolution here.

In the year 2007 I resolve to: Wear more lacy black lingerie. Get your resolution here.

In the year 2007 I resolve to: Be kinky more often. Get your resolution here.

There is HOPE

2007 is looking up!

Ok.. we went to our favorite mexican place for dinner....

they had a d.j.

It was a ton of fun.

I danced a ton, either with my father, with Thara, or with PK...

Near midnight, I went out to catch some air an heard from Asha that she was not having fun... in fact, I was the problem that she was having...

Her chief problem was that I was dancing like a whore.

So there I am, dissed again by this kid. I go back in and start to cry. Everyone was very kind, pointing out that adolescents by definition are vicious creatures. It was nice? Yes. Did it make me feel better? No.

I know this is wrong, but I just want somebody to be so appalled by what she says to me, that they slap her. This will never happen. Everyone says that I should just suck it up and show some character. As if I am not Quasi-fucking-modo at this point. Sigh.

Shortly after 1 or so, I realized that I couldn't take it any more. I needed to go home. So I went to the bar to cash us out. As I was waiting, I noticed a guy standing there waiting for a drink. I looked over at him and smiled and wished him a Happy New Year. And for some reason, uncharacteristic of me, I leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek. The kind that perfect strangers might give each on New Years Eve... but still it was unusual for me.

What happened then was even more unusual. The man looked at me, told me that I was beautiful and leaned over and kissed my lips, gently slipping his tongue into my mouth. Then he wished me a happy New Year and walked away. I payed our bill and we left. For me, 2007, was finally looking up.

When I woke up in the morning, I discovered a text message from Asha apologizing for her rudeness and disrespect.

I guess there is hope after all.