Out of Sorts

A friend has pointed out that I have been lax posting here.

And in fact, to a certain extent I have been. The other part of me has been incredibly restrained.

I am restraining myself because I am sad. I am working hard to do the right thing... and I have no satisfaction from it.

I miss feeling loved. I know that there are different kinds of love.

Some of them I know.. some.. I have experienced.. some I am just missing

Philia: a dispassionate virtuous love, was a concept developed by Aristotle. It includes loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality, and familiarity. Philia is motivated by practical reasons; one or both of the parties benefit from the relationship. It can also mean "love of the mind." I have that with friends.. some family... Hell... With PK.

Storge: is natural affection, like that felt by parents for offspring. I feel that for my girls. Sometimes, I think that my parents feel it for me. When they are not trying to show me how much more they are then me.

Xenia (ξενία xenía), hospitality, was an extremely important practice in Ancient Greece. It was an almost ritualized friendship formed between a host and his guest, who could previously have been strangers. The host fed and provided quarters for the guest, who was expected to repay only with gratitude. The importance of this can be seen throughout Greek mythology—in particular, Homer's Iliad and Odyssey. I am supremely familiar with this...something about reading the Odyssey.

Of the ancient forms of love, what I am missing is Agape and Eros. Agape is the platonic love of others... and important to any relationships. Eros? Passionate love with sensual love and longing...

Oh how I miss that... the feeling of arms wrapped around me. Support. desire. Love... Actually while I have always wished that support accompanied love, I have found myself unsure. I have no experience with it.

Desire. Oh god. How I miss it.

Looking in my eyes... holding my hands... Being with me.. Part of me....

Oh god... how I miss it.

No matter the noise around me? I am lonely. I miss you.