Sadness

I have been reading over the last couple of weeks a blog called Atomic Tumor. The last couple of weeks the entries have been about the illness of his wife. She fell ill around Halloween and went downhill very quickly. For a fortnight AT has poured out his heart about his love for his wife and his fear of having to live without her.

Unfortunately the worst has come to pass. His beloved wife, Barbara Jamie, was declared brain dead on Friday.

This made me unspeakably sad. Sad for him. Sad for their children.

But ultimately the love he was expressing for her made me jealous.

I doubt that I would be mourned so deeply. Maybe by my children. Although at this point they are past the age of loving me so deeply. I am mostly a thorn in their side that someday they would be mourn.

The PK? He would be taken up with the details. Pissed at me for leaving him with the part of life that he can't deal with... the domestic side. But miss me? Mourn me? I doubt it.

And that is unspeakably sad.