Inadequate me

Well I fucked up again.

I worked my ass off today, but I still got it wrong.

But it turns out that that everything is wrong, or that I am self involved.

I reached out for love and discovered I am still not living up to my potential and no one can stand me when I am struggling.

I rejected sex, not because I have no physical need, but because I demand more for myself and found myself berated as thinking "everything should be about you" or me in that case.

I reached for friendship and found myself labelled as overly involved in my children's lives because I care whether they excel and try to support them.

I tried to be a good daughter and found that it is lovely that I make my inadequate efforts, but they are not enough to make up for what my mother has lost.

Rejected all around. Why can't I be loved for myself? My idiosyncracies and inadequacies. Isn't that what love is supposed to be? I thought so. Hope for someone to overcome, encouragement, but love and understanding when they are human.

Am I not a human and no one told me? it must be so... since I fail so many people so often and they feel compelled to tell me.