As we listened to news about Benazir Bhutto over the last couple of days, my general sadness over my broken heart, my mother-in-laws death, and now the death of a columnist that we loved and respected at the Chicago Tribune, Terry Armour.... PK has broken... his sadness is overwhelming him.
The problem is that he is looking for re-assurance.
And I have none to give.
For the last week, all that could enter my mind was one phrase.
"I used to love you"
and I did.
desperately. But it has been a long time...
Tonight though, in his sadness, he asked the question.
Do you still love me?
Do I?
I do.
Do I love him as I did when we were young and enthusiastic and untried by the ravages of the world. Before I was abandonned to his ambition, his career, his family, his friends. More sad affection and shared experience, a sad shadow of my past feelings.
Do I still love him the way that I did?
No.
That is gone.
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2 comments:
Your PK has a long road ahead :(
My father and I were very close, and when he passed a good portion of me passed with him. Healing for me has consisted of literally rebuilding my "self" from the ground up.
If I might be so bold as to make a suggestion ... The most effective thing for me in just hanging on was a "grief buddy" outside the family. Perhaps there is a family friend of his parents generation whom he can befriend?
I am sorry for your loss Please remember to take it easy on yourself during this difficult time.
the erosion of love eats at you inside.... my empathy. But it also sounds like you are over him to a large degree even though you are still toegther....
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