I just got the goodbye look

I woke sad this morning with a song in my head.

I thought this was weird, since usually I associate music with happiness and pleasure.

But this song always makes me a bit wistful, reminding me of the people that have come and gone through my life. Those that I have known in person and virtually. You see, for the past several years, I have been an online chatter. This started when I was first home with the kids full time. PK was travelling all the time and I was home with pre-schoolers. In the evenings, after the kiddies were in bed, I often could be found in chat rooms talking with grownups about grownup subjects. It kept me from feeling incredibly lonely and focused on something other than Pokemon and Sailor Moon.

PK didn't mind, it allowed him to travel without having to worry about having to have any kind of meaningful conversation with me after a long hard day. Oh hell, even when he WAS in town he was looking to avoid THAT.

The majority of my online friends were male, virtually all of them were trying to seduce me. But was so nice to get male attention that I kept at it... After a while, I had a set group of friends that I would chat with. It was reassuring to have regular friends who I could talk about almost anything with.

The problem?

Time.

Things in my friends lives changed cancer, unemployment, divorce and the fear of it all take their toll. My life has changed too. I went from little girls who blissfully ignored Mommy while they were playing and went to bed at a regular hour to my big girls who try to read over my shoulder and need to be actively supervised until MY bedtime.

Little by little, I have lost my friends and my life is measurably sadder for it. Waking up this morning with this song in my head has just reminded me of it even more.

THE GOODBYE LOOK
DONALD FAGEN

The surf was easy on the day I came to stay
On this quiet island in the bay
I remember a line of women all in white
The laughter and the steel bands at night

Now the Americans are gone exept for two
The embassy's been hard to reach
There's been talk and lately a bit of action after dark
Behind the big casino on the beach

The rules are changed
It's not the same
It's all new players in a whole new ball game

Last night I dreamed of an old lover dressed in gray
I've had this fever now since yesterday
Wake up darling they're knocking the Colonel's standing in the sun
With his stupid face the glasses and the gun

I know what happens
I read the book
I believe I just got the goodbye look

Won't you pour me a Cuban breeze Gretchen

I know a fellow with a motor launch for hire
A skinny man with two-one shoes
Cause tonight they're arranging a small reception just for me
Behind the big casino by the sea

I know what happens
I read the book
I believe I just got the goodbye look

I wish I knew what to do... wait it out and hope things right themselves or move on and find new friends or ways of making them....

For tonight at least, I think I will look up a recipe for Cuban Breezes and drink to better days... here is the recipe I found...

Cuban Breeze #1 Recipe

Ingredients:
1 oz. Vodka
1 oz. Amaretto
Fill with Pineapple Juice

Mixing Instruction:
Fill a hurricane glass with ice and add the ingredients (you can also blend the ingredients with ice until slushy). Garnish with a pineapple wedge and a cherry.