Congratulate Me

Since apparently, I, according to the CDC am pre-pregnant.

That is right. Just a walking womb.

And it is not just me. Any female between menarche and menopause is now officially just a woman waiting to bear a child. And the federal government feels that is vested in making sure you do a GOOD job at it.

There I was... just minding my business, checking my email this afternoon when I came across this article in Salon. I am a sucker for a good headline, but this one really caught my eye, Holy "Handmaid's Tale," Batman!, by Rebecca Traister points out the glaringly obvious problems with the CDC's new Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report entitled, Recommendations to Improve Preconception Health and Healthcare -- United States. This report was described in the Washington Post article, Forever Pregnant and states that:

New federal guidelines ask all females capable of conceiving a baby to treat themselves -- and to be treated by the health care system -- as pre-pregnant, regardless of whether they plan to get pregnant anytime soon.

Charming.... I don't need to be healthy for my own happiness and well-being. I need to stay healthy for a child I may or may not want. That is crazy enough of a concept for me to deal with, but this information is supposed to also go to our DAUGHTERS.

Since the average age of menarche (at least per Wikipedia) is 12-13, that is quite a cold shower on a young girl. Nothing like walking into your pediatrician's office which is decorated with animals, dolls and Doctor Seuss books and be told that you need to concentrate on the well being of your future progeny...

Hopefully, that word will been covered in 5th grade vocab.



Because that is what we are talking about. 6th and 7th grade girls being told to safeguard the future of the species. That should be a fun conversation, I hope Dr. Julie Gerberding (For whom I generally have had the greatest respect) would like to give a whirl. Frankly, I hope she can handle the eye rolling and being told that she is gross. That is my experience with that particular age bracket. I would rather my 6th grader concentrate on getting A's in Social Studies and Math... I guess the government knows best though.

And what information do we give to 6th and 7th grade boys? Study hard, lay off the video games and don't worry, kiddo, getting a boner during study hall is normal... Wear your shirt out side your pants and carry your books in front of your crotch? That seems a fair exchange of data for the sexes, doesn't it?

What a fucking nightmare.

And what about us? Isn't the health of the mother or future mother's count for something other than providing optimal gestation? And isn't it a doctor's job to talk to us about improving our health anyway? And what if we woman don't follow these guidelines? Should we be considered legally or morally culpable for any negative outcomes?

Oh and a really stupid point. All female infants were born with all the eggs that they are EVER going to have. Shouldn't we start the conversation with our toddlers? Or better yet, why not segregate all the pre-menopausal females out of the population. Let's make sure they receive optimal nutrition and are protected from any "negative" environments that might cause damage to their all important gonads or otherwise decrease the odds of prime reproduction.

Between the anti-choice position of the government, the anti-birth control stance of many members of the religious right and the Catholic church and now the CDC trying to maximize women's health to improve the vessel I am beginning to feel less like an independant citizen of the United States of America and more like resource for the Father Land.

That doesn't sound too creepy, does it?